How my journey began

I want to give you a little peek into my own life and how I found myself being called to become a sex coach. Honestly, if you told me even 5 years ago that I would be open enough to be a sex coach and share my story online I wouldn’t have believed you!

My story begins in my late twenties when my longest relationship was nearing its end. The relationship’s end hit me hard because I truly did believe with all my heart that this was going to be “the One,” as some would call it. Not only was this break up hard, it also confirmed my story (or the one I believed to be true at the time) that I wasn’t enough and eventually the ones I loved would leave me. This also confirmed my feeling of being abandoned that I often felt during my childhood.

Once this relationship ended I didn’t trust myself to love again. The next decade was pretty hard because I learned over time, by how my body was responding, that being in love and having an orgasm are connected! I noticed deep intimacy and greater orgasms happened more when I was in love with my partner.  

When I look back now I can see that I had also disconnected to pleasure and my own joy. My life felt dull and lifeless. By disowning pleasure I also felt a full disconnect to who I was and what I wanted and needed to feel alive. And believe me sex is a big part of that!!!

After a LONG decade of dating people that I felt I should love, or tried to love because I felt safe, I was willing to let down some walls. Some really high thick walls build as an illusion to feel safe. As I tore down the walls my inner child fought me in so many ways I was unaware of and I started to push my partner away by projecting my own feeling of not being good enough onto him. 

Along side my inner child freaking out I was also starting to feel fully numb during sex? I sense this turned up the volume on the voice “I am not good enough” or “I must be broken” and I found myself feeling (or should I say not feeling) depressed. At this time I was also the owner of a Yoga studio and I was teaching quite often and felt I had to show up with a smile on my face and act as if life was vibrant when really it was quite the opposite.

During this time, I felt really emotionally low and  I found Layla Martin through a friend and decided to join her Jade Pleasure course. It was the starting point of giving my p*ssy (and myself) the love and acceptation she needed to turn back towards pleasure. Even though the relationship did not work out it helped me see that I needed to look within to know what I truly desired and to stop trying to please others. 

So instead of looking outside myself to change things I went within and started to embrace all that was true to my whole self. This energetically led me to study at the  The Tantric Institute of Integrating Sexuality with Layla Martin where I dove deep into my own embodiment to feel safe enough to be seen again and I learned many tools to assist me towards self acceptance which for me has always been hard.

The last two years helped me work with and accept: 

• the pain and wounding from my childhood
  

• the unhealthy beliefs I took on from mother that I still try and deny and shame myself for
  

• the disowned anger I didn’t want to see or let alone feel
  

• the anger I was projecting onto my romantic partners, one after the other

• the shame I was feeling was towards myself for hiding my true essence and not being strong enough to show others my whole spiritual self (many forms of anger really since I learned it wasn’t ok t be angry)
  

• my fear of being abandoned or of not being enough
  

• the resentment I carried towards our society for the way it has taught woman they may be punished for being powerful
  

Piece by piece and gentle kindness, I brought light to all parts of myself and instead of shaming or denying these pieces, I accepted them, and stopped seeing them as negative or bad.

This new spaciousness and energy helps me to connect to my pleasure, time and time again, as a source of self-love, radiance and aliveness. I embrace my whole self and allow all my emotions to flow through me, cultivating my sexual energy as life-force and healing. 

I want to share this embodied awareness with the world and support others so that they too can see their fullest potential. I have learnt so much on this journey and I feel it could help all sexes and resonate beings. I believe we all matter, we all belong and it’s time to support each other starting with ourselves.